The world is noisier than it has ever been. And as a guy who has taught people how to communicate with technology, it has often grieved me that a contemporary response to the noisy world is to simply complain about “kids who don’t look up from their phones.” There has to be a better way to approach this. It’s also one aspect of yesterday’s delightful session with RZIM’s Nathan Betts that was refreshing.
My roadtrip took me to the historic and idyllic Pacific Northwest town of Snohomish and Redemption Road Church – a location that appears to nicely blend classic NW sensibilities with an unwavering commitment to the gospel. A couple conversations with locals reminded me that the PNW has a few unique challenges for apologists. I was sad I couldn’t stay for the entire day as Nathan’s topical lineup speaks to the heart of many of today’s challenges:
The Power of Truth in an Anything-Goes Age
Digital Technology, and What it Means to Be Human
Can We Still Talk? Navigating Hard Conversations in a Polarizing Culture
How do I talk to someone addicted to their phone?
The question was both addressed in one of Nathan’s presentations, and it was also the heartfelt plea from at least one audience member. The real answer? There is no easy answer. But here are a few insights from our time with Nathan:
EQ, not just IQ.
Information alone rarely changes people, and it’s important to remember that there’s an emotional/relational component to the situation.
Ask permission.
An essential element of having difficult conversations is to get that person to focus on you and that something important is upcoming.
Communicate what you’re after, not just what you’re against.
This was a useful and important reminder, brilliantly expressed. There are two things I’ll add (given that I have spent my career teaching communication, I’ve got an opinion or three):
Motivation is most powerful when there are both negative and positive elements…negative as in “here is the current situation and what will result if you stick with the status quo” and positive as in “here’s a vision of not just the future state, but the benefits you will experience when you get there.”
Implicit in what Nathan said is also the positive expectation that the person you’re communicating with can rise to the challenge. It’s a way of expressing, “I believe in you.”
The bottom line
I’m not a big fan of the idea, oft expressed, that “technology is not morally neutral” (we’ll tackle that here another time). Technology does have baked into its essence, however, the tacit, implicit, and sometimes explicit expectation of what behavior it will modify for you. And Nathan astutely observed this as he went on to argue that distractedness is even part of someone’s meaning-making (whether they’re avoiding pain, pursuing pleasure, or both).
The key for us to remember? Culturally we are in new territory here. We do not have the same level of cultural awareness of tech addiction as we might with, say, alcohol. There are resources (1), however, and the power of love is that it pursues the lost and broken as you pursue the lost and broken. And if that’s not a big part of the incarnated gospel, I don’t know what is.
Roger Courville, CSP is a globally-recognized expert in digitally-extended communication and connection, an award-winning speaker, award-winning author, and a passionately bad guitarist. Follow him on Twitter -- @RogerCourville and @JoinForTheHope – or his blog: www.forthehope.org.
Sources and resources
(1) Two books that Nathan recommended were iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us and The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place