(unedited/draft show notes here, not a totally dialed-in transcript — what a great time to listen, compare, and experience the superiority of the podcast to the text below!)
What I am about to tell you is not unfamiliar. In fact, it is very near to you. And I imagine you may be tempted to move on quickly to something more novel, more educational, more inspiring. But I hope you’ll give me, and perhaps God, an ear for a brief thought about attention, the love of a dog, and a counter-cultural call.
It’s a holiday weekend here in the United States, and I took off on a roadtrip to have lunch with my grandmother and to see some friends. I plopped my Kindle next to me to have it read in a mechanical voice a book about attention. So here’s the first thing you already know – besides the fact that I’m a geek who reads books about attention – bad news sells. People are more attracted to bad news than good…for scientific reasons.
Yes, you know that already. I told you that what I had to say would be familiar and near. Stick with me.
What happens is that we’re wired for novelty and the search for new information or even threats -- something that a constant flow of garbage on our phones is all too happy to provide – and this is then reinforced by the dopamine hit we get.
Of course, your problem might not be your phone or the news.
But you’re not off the hook. And neither am I. I told you…the problem is near.
The problem, I’ll argue, is that the problem is “out there.” Like somehow it’s the other person. And true enough, sometimes it is. But…
This week one of the focus questions we looked at was “Which categories of human temptation did Jesus experience?” The short answer turns out to be all of them – lust, greed, and pride. AND that all of them are things that we experience and may even be guilty of from time to time.
Put another way, I am probably part of the problem sometimes, being the guy delivering the dopamine hit to someone else…with news or slander or gossip or ungraciousness. And, oh by the way, you’re probably THAT guy or girl, too, sometimes.
Why do we do that?
Well, I know for me it’s because I love to be loved. It’s how I stave off loneliness sometimes – even if it’s a false way of doing so. We can get attention the wrong way.
So, about that dog. On the road trip I visited some friends who had a new-to-them dog in the house since I’d last visited. But it turns out, this dog and I had met before when, about a year ago, I’d done some housesitting. The dog, as I remembered, was anxious and clingy, and this was probably understandable because he was a rescue. I don’t know if he was neglected or abused or what, but his insecurity meant he never wanted to be apart.
To my surprise, it appeared that the dog recognized me, but to my even greater surprise, as my friends and I sat down to catch up, the dog curled up on my feet.
And I thought…isn’t that what we all want. To be loved for who we are?
As I was driving home that evening the whole thing made me think of a passage in the Bible (of course!) and how utterly counter-cultural it was. Here’s the passage, written by Paul to the church in Philippi.
8 Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things. 9[1] (Philippians 4:8-9, CSB)
Remember, this is the same Paul who exhorted the Romans to be transformed by the renewing of their minds.
And I just paused. And I thought about…you. And me.
One of the things we do together here is read the Bible and explore the truth claims of Christianity. By definition this means that we look at false teaching. And I wondered, “Do I always do this with gentleness and respect?”
You see, there’s a big heart shift between delivering someone a dopamine hit and the less-popular, counter-cultural truth of Jesus. That there will be a cost to following Jesus. That it is actually hard sometimes to focus on the good and true and beautiful.
It’s easy to see how people get attention…with their bodies, with their anger, with their gossip.
It’s not so easy to say that all that stuff is near…too near. That I’m guilty, too.
The difference is one of heart orientation. The flesh likes its instant gratification, and even justifying such gratification as if it’s good. We can even speak “truth” in a way that’s wrong, though, right?
It’s not so easy to take the time to not just say I love you, but to be loving. It’s not so easy to speak the truth in love with gentleness and respect.
And it humbles me. Because I have failed at that so many times. When what my heart really longs for – what all of our hearts really long for – is what happens when we are transformed by a growing relationship with Jesus. It doesn’t create pride, it creates humility. It doesn’t gossip, it hurts for the person being talked about. It doesn’t try to fill the hole of wanting to be loved with dopamine attention hit, but does the hard work of trying to trust, and be trustworthy, again. Knowing that we’ll blow it. Again. But that Jesus forgives us, and we should forgive others. Again.
Whatever is true, beautiful, honorable, just – set your heart on these things, my friend. It may not be easy, but it is all for the hope.
ForTheHope is a daily audio Bible + apologetics podcast and blog. We’ve got a passion for just keepin’ it real, having conversations like normal people, and living out the love of Jesus better every single day.
Roger Courville, CSP is a globally-recognized expert in digitally-extended communication and connection, an award-winning speaker, award-winning author, and a passionately bad guitarist. Follow him on Twitter -- @RogerCourville and @JoinForTheHope – or his blog: www.forthehope.org.
Sources and resources:
[1] Christian Standard Bible (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 2020), Php 4:8–9.